Zixin Wuhan City, Hubei Province
Through eating and drinking’s word and listening to preaching, I came to understand the importance of being an person and thus began practicing to be an honest person. After a period of time, I found that I gained some entry in being an honest person. For example: While praying or conversing with someone, I would be able to speak the truth and from the heart; I could also take fulfilling my duty seriously, and when I revealed corruption I could open myself up to other people. Because of this, I thought being an honest person was quite easy to practice, and not at all as difficult as it was made out to be by God’s words: “Many would rather be condemned to hell than to speak and act honestly.” It was not until later that I was able to appreciate through experience that it really is not easy for corrupt man to be an honest person. God’s words really are absolutely true and completely unexaggerated.
When I was editing articles one day, I saw that a sister from the editing team of a district was better than me, regardless of whether it was at writing or editing articles. I then thought: I must be stricter to the articles she edited, in case the leaders see that she edits articles better than I do and promote her, which would put my own position at risk. After this intention surfaced, I felt accused inside. After examining and dissecting, I recognized that this was a display of struggling for fame and gain, being jealous of real talent, and excluding those different to me. During a meeting, I originally wanted to openly declare my corruption, but then I thought: If I communicate out my own evil intentions, how would my partner and the host family sister see me? Would they say my heart is too malicious and my nature is too wicked? Forget it, I better not say it. It was just a thought, and it’s not like I had really done it anyway. And just like that, I merely casually mentioned how I was very nervous that I would be replaced when I saw someone else edit articles well, while hiding away my true dark side. Afterward, the blame in my heart increased significantly. I hence vowed before God that this would only happen once, and that next time I would definitely practice being an honest person.